i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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