Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
