im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
