soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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