I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
