I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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