i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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