I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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