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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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• (516): View more from New York

  He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.

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• (347): View more from New York

  She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex

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• (206): View more from Washington

  She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.

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