At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
