Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
