Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
