Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
