all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
