What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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