Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
