It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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