I will die if light touches me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
