if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
