You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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