I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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