i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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