I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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