So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
