Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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