i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
