i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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