Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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