I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
