White coat. Heels.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
