You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
