The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
