So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
