PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
