I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
