Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
