So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
