Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
