The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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