I just saw a hot homeless man
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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