My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
