Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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