Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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