Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
