Sry I called you an 8
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
