Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
