battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
