My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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