Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
