Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The ass gains better be worth it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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