Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this boner is exhausting
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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