Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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