with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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