I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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