i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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