how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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