I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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