Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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