i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
