im having a threesome with these popsicles
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
