I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
