Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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