i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
