I hate your face
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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