You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
