my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
