Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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