Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Boobs speak an international language.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
