I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
