He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
