So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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