So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
