Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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