I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My ass is underappreciated
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
