I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
