So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
