Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
