I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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