youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
