All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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