hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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