Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize