Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
